While riding my bike, I became thirsty. I remembered the punch mama made and I went upstairs to get a drink. She would make it with lemons and sliced oranges. I use to love to swirl the frosty glass in a circular motion and hear the sound of the large ice cubes as they hit the glass…so mouth watering, cool and refreshing. Now that dad was gone, she’d picked up some of her motherly ways again…with baking and setting the table, just like old times.
It was about noon, I rushed upstairs to my apartment, opened the screen door and the big door was locked. That was weird because mom kept the door unlocked when we would play outside. So I began to knock on the door and call her, “Ma ! I’m thirsty! Open up!” I called several times. I then heard a loud thump from the other side of the door, like someone had run into it. I heard my mom screaming and crying at the same time, “Please stop! Oh God Help! Help me!” I ran to the window which was on the left side of the door. I pressed my left cheek against it so that I can try and see her from the corner of my eye…through the crack of the security bars and hanging window shade. Oh my God!…it was my dad in there beating her like a punching bag in her midsection, one blow after another, like a mad man! My Dad was at least 5′ 8″ 260 lbs., my mom about 5′ 5″ 170 lbs., nine months pregnant…no match at all.
I couldn’t scream or shout because I started to shake out of control. Even if I’d asked for help, no one would because they feared him. So I stayed in the doorway while crying in a fetal position, helplessly listening to my mom’s excruciating cry for help. I listened to her wounded heart begged to be saved from the hands of the man, who stole her heart and introduced her to his isolated dark and morbid world; “My First Perception of A Man.”
As I sat there between the doors, shaking and gripping my stomach, I listened to my mom’s moans slowly fade out. I realized it was finally over. I could hear her faint voice moaning, crying and praying. I visualized my mom, sliding down into the fetal position just as I was on the other side of the door…and there we were, both trapped in a world that appeared to be unable to escape. I placed the palms of my hands on the door, along with my cheek. I closed my tearful eyes and in my mind, I held her and rocked her in my arms while whispering in her ear, “If I was the mom, I would take you away.”
I didn’t understand this type of love. I couldn’t help but wonder, would he love me this way one day? I made myself a promise to always do the right thing and never upset him. I never wanted to feel that type of love. (The seed of abuse had now mentally been planted)
Later that night, my mom gave birth to a ten-pound baby boy. It was the happiest but the saddest day of my life. I couldn’t understand why a gracious God from Heaven would let a beautiful miracle be born in a place called “Hell.”
http://amzn.to/1LWCQCl ” A BLACK ROSE THRIVED”
AUTHOR ROCHELLE RICHEY ©2016
#BookBubble http://bit.ly/1px5Jd5 “BEHIND CLOSED DOORS” EXCERPT FROM “A BLACK ROSE THRIVED”
I’ve finally reached the beginning of the end of raging storms that have partnered with me for many years…escaping a tormented childhood that led to a dysfunctional development of teenage years, which concluded with an abusive marriage with a man I thought was the love of my life. I instantly became a single mom and was introduced to years of evictions, repossessions, illnesses. hardships and a bad choice in men. Through it all, I’ve learned humility, love, perseverance, happiness, forgiveness, loyalty and a great love for myself. Everything I went through made me who I am today.
” A Black Rose Thrived” will allow you to experience my highs, my lows, my pain and my growth. I decided to write my story because I realized that this was a major part of the healing process that was missing. It started as a journal and turned into a memoir.
This memoir is written in excerpts because that’s just what they are…excerpts pulled from different segments of my life. It’s written in an interesting chronological timeline order of events. My hope is that you will be encouraged, challenged and informed on issues that you may have experienced, never encountered or may have questioned. This is my Story. This is my truth.
Author and Writer
TOO OFTEN WE HEAR: “HE MAY PUT HIS HANDS ON ME BUT HE IS A REALLY GOOD FATHER, I DON’T WANT TO TAKE THEIR FATHER AWAY FROM THEM”
HE’S GIVING THEM A FALSE PERCEPTION OF WHAT A MAN IS AND HOW A MAN LOVES…HOW HE HANDLES CONFLICT AND EMOTIONS. SEEING THIS AS A CHILD BECOMES THE NORM AS AN ADULT.
DATING ADVICE FROM THE BRONZE GODDESS
Humiliating or embarrassing you.
- Constant put-downs.
- Refusing to communicate.
- Ignoring or excluding you.
- Extramarital affairs.
- Provocative behavior with opposite sex.
- Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice.
- Unreasonable jealousy.
- Extreme moodiness.
- Mean jokes or constantly making fun of you.
- Saying “I love you but…”
- Saying things like “If you don’t _____, I will_____.”
- Domination and control.
- Withdrawal of affection.
- Guilt trips.
- Making everything your fault.
- Isolating you from friends and family.
- Using money to control.
- Constant calling or texting when you are not with him/her.
- Threatening to commit suicide if you leave.
It is important to remember is that it is absolutely not your fault. Abusers are expert manipulators with a knack for getting you to believe that the way you are being treated is your fault. These people know that everyone has insecurities, and they use those insecurities against you.
Abusers can convince you that you do not deserve better treatment or that they are treating you this way to “help” you. Some abusers even act quite charming and nice in public so that others have a good impression of them. In private is a different story, which is also quite baffling.
If you see yourself in these words, know that there is little hope for your relationship to improve. It would take a monumental amount of insight and motivation for the abuser to change and unfortunately, this is rarely the case. If you are in an abusive relationship, I urge you to get out and with professional help if needed. Often the first step in leaving the abuser is obtaining counseling just to rebuild your esteem so that you can leave. I particularly want you to know that you may “love” this person, but that they do not “love” you or respect you. I assure you that in time you will get over this person if you break it off. You will be making the right decision … no looking back.
This guest article originally appeared on YourTango.com: 21 Signs You’re In An Emotionally Abuse
If he (or she) does ANY of these things, you need to get out and get help.
Women don’t plan to enter into abusive relationships. In fact, many women who’ve escaped abusive relationships swear to themselves that they will never get into another one, only to find themselves becoming victims of abuse once again.
Sadly, it takes an average of five to seven acts of violence before a woman leaves her abuser. So, why not plan to avoid entering into an abusive relationship in the first place?
It’s easier to avoid an abusive relationship if you’re able to detect the early signs. The Women’s Center distributed the following list for women seeking domestic violence counseling. A path to a safer, healthier and happier life often starts with a bit of knowledge. If your partner displays the following behaviors, it’s possible you’re in an abusive relationship.
1. He pushes for quick involvement. He comes on strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this before by anyone.” You get pressured for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
2. There’s constant jealousy. Your partner is excessively possessive, calls constantly, or visits unexpectedly.
3. He’s controlling. He interrogates you intensely about who you talked to and where you were, checks mileage on the car, keeps all the money or asks for receipts, and insists you ask for permission to go anywhere or do anything.
4. He has very unrealistic expectations. He expects perfection from you and for you to meet their every need.
5. There’s isolation. He tries to cut you off from family and friends, deprives you of a phone or car, or tries to prevent you from holding a job.
6. He blames others for his own mistakes. The boss, family, you — it’s always someone else’s fault if anything goes wrong.
7. He makes everyone else responsible for their feelings. The abuser says, “You make me angry” instead of “I’m angry.” “I wouldn’t get so pissed off if you wouldn’t…
8. He’s hypersensitive. He’s easily insulted and will often rant and rave about injustices that are just part of life.
9. He’s cruel to animals and children. He kills or punishes animals brutally. He also may expect children to do things beyond their ability or tease them until they cry.
10. His uses “playful” force during sex. He enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will; he finds the idea of rape exciting. He intimidates, manipulates or forces you to engage in unwanted sex acts.
11. There’s verbal abuse. He constantly criticizes you or says cruel things. He degrades, curses and calls you ugly names. He will use vulnerable points about your past or current life against you.
12. There are rigid gender roles in the relationship. He expects you to serve, obey and remain at home.
13. He has sudden mood swings. He switches from loving to angry in a matter of minutes.
14. He has a past of battering. He admits to hitting women in the past, but states that they or the situation brought it on.
15. He threatens violence. He makes statements such as, “I’ll break your neck,” but then dismisses it with “I really didn’t mean it.”
If you’ve experienced domestic violence in the past, you may benefit from this article, Healing From Trauma With EFT. If you need help, or protection, to get out or stay out of an abusive relationship, get in touch with your local (The) Women’s Center, or search their main site at The Woman’s Center.
NOTE: Though females are the primary victims in Domestic Violence, it is not always the case; males can also be victims (over 25 percent). Some resources to check into for both male and female victims are: safehorizon.org, ncdva.org, and nomore.org.
[Rochelle Richey] IN MY OPINION, DRUGS IS NOT A DISEASE IT IS A CHOICE. I CHOSE TO SMOKE AND SNORT CRACK COCAINE, POP PILLS, DRINK EXCESSIVE ALCOHOL AND SNORT HEROIN.
IN MY OPINION, DRUGS IS NOT A DISEASE IT IS A CHOICE. I CHOSE TO SMOKE AND SNORT CRACK COCAINE, POP PILLS, DRINK EXCESSIVE ALCOHOL AND SNORT HEROIN.
I HAD AN ADDICTION THAT CAME FROM VOIDS AND BROKEN PLACES IN MY LIFE. BECAUSE OF MY BROKENNESS, I CHOSE TO MEDICATE AND ESCAPE WITH PAINFUL PLEASURES. THE DRUGS AND ALCOHOL AFFECTED MY THOUGHT PROCESS, MY PERCEPTION OF PEOPLE AND LIFE IN GENERAL. IT AFFECTED MY COGNITIVE THINKING. I DON’T AGREE THAT IT IS A BRAIN DISEASE. IT’S AN ADDICTION TO A SYNTHETIC DRUG THAT AFFECTS THE BRAIN.
AS THE LADY SAID IN THE VIDEO, IT WASN’T A GENE THAT I WAS PREDISPOSED TO BUT A CHOICE I MADE TO USE TO ESCAPE THE PAIN I LIVED WITH. A CHOICE TO USE A HABIT FORMING SUBSTANCE TO FEED A PSYCHOLOGICAL NEED. AS MY BODY ADAPTED TO THE SUBSTANCE, I CRAVED EVEN MORE TO GET THE EFFECTS OF THE ORIGINAL HIGH. THE COCAINE IS ALREADY ADDICTIVE BUT ALSO SYNTHETICALLY PREPARED TO TURN YOU INTO A CRACKHEAD OR COKE HEAD…AND WHEN USED FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME IT CAUSES SERIOUS EFFECTS TO YOUR MENTAL STABILITY. IT’S A MONEY MAKING BUSINESS.
IS IT EASY TO STOP USING ? NO. IS IT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO CONTINUE TO DO? NO. BUT THE THOUGHT OF NOT USING IS TERRIFYING BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS; YOU WILL ENCOUNTER DEVASTATING WITHDRAWALS, EVEN MORE SICKNESS BEFORE YOU GET OUT OF THIS HELL. YOU HAVE THE FEAR OF FACING REAL LIFE AND ACKNOWLEDGING ALL THE HURT AND PAIN THAT YOU HAVE CAUSED TO YOURSELF AND OTHERS. THE SHAME CAN BE UNBEARABLE. YOU HAVE THE FEAR OF GETTING BACK INTO SOCIETY, BEING A PRODUCTIVE CITIZEN MOVING ON AND MAKING SOMETHING OF YOURSELF. YOU ALSO HAVE TO BEGIN HEALING TO LEARN WHY YOU TOOK THIS ROUTE IN THE FIRST PLACE; WHICH MEANS YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE DARK PLACES THAT YOU FOR SO MANY YEARS YOU ESCAPED. SOME WOULD RATHER DIE IN THEIR ADDICTION BECAUSE DIGGING OUT OF THIS DARK TUNNEL OF PAIN IS JUST TO MUCH.
BUT THAN YOU HAVE THE ADDICT THAT SAYS ENOUGH IS ENOUGH AND THEY WILL DO ANYTHING, GO ANY ROUTE THEY HAVE TO, TO BE FREE. THE ADDICT THAT BELIEVES DEEP DOWN INSIDE THAT THERE HAS TO BE MORE TO LIFE FOR THEM. THEY REFUSE TO DIE. SOME COME OUT OF THE ADDICTION AND IS ABLE TO MOVE ON. OTHERS MAY HAVE LONG TERM ILLNESSES AND OTHERS MENTAL DAMAGES THAT WERE CAUSED BY THE CHEMICALS THEY CHOSE TO PUT INTO THEIR BODY.
I BELIEVE THAT DRUGS ARE A CHOICE, THAT TURNS INTO A HABIT THAT BECOMES AN ADDICTION. AN ADDICTION THAT CAUSES DEPRESSION, ANXIETIES, HALLUCINATIONS, BROKEN DREAMS, SHATTERED RELATIONSHIPS AND MANY SLEEPINESS NIGHTS; FOR SOME PROSTITUTION, CRIME, JAIL AND TO MANY SUICIDE OR DEATH BY OVERDOSE OR THE HEART JUST STOP BEATING. IT BREAKS MY HEART WHEN I SEE BROKEN PEOPLE IN ADDICTION…I CRY BECAUSE I KNOW HOW THEY FEEL AND WHAT THEY ARE DEALING WITH.
IF YOU ARE WILLING TO ADDRESS THE ROOT OF THE ISSUE WITH A SINCERE DEDICATION TO WALK THROUGH THE PROCESS OF HEALING; WITH GOD ON YOUR SIDE YOU WILL WIN.
I CHOOSE TO LIVE…I CHOOSE TO WIN…I CHOSE THE LIGHT
I BELIEVE THAT WHAT YOU SPEAK IS WHAT YOU ARE. I BELIEVE THAT LIFE AND DEATH IS IN THE POWER OF THE TONGUE. SO I DON’T BELIEVE THE STATEMENT ” ONCE AN ADDICT ALWAYS AN ADDICT”…NO WONDER THE REHAB CENTERS HAVE REVOLVING DOORS.
THIS WASN’T AN EASY PROCESS FOR ME. I FOUGHT AGAINST MY ADDICTION ENDLESSLY FOR THE FIRST THREE YEARS…CHANGING MY ENTIRE ENVIRONMENT, MY ENTIRE WORLD. ELIMINATING EVERY SINGLE THING AND PERSON THAT REMINDED ME OF GETTING HIGH…EVEN TV SHOWS… THE MORE I FOUGHT THE STRONGER I GOT… UNTIL MY WILL TO LIVE WAS BIGGER THAN MY ADDICTION. AS I BEGAN TO LIVE MY ADDICTION BEGAN TO DIE.
I THEN TOOK STEPS TO BEGIN THE PROCESS OF HEALING THE PAIN THAT I’D ESCAPED AND NUMBED MYSELF WITH DRUGS.YOU HAVE TO GET RID OF THE PAIN IN ORDER TO RID THE ADDICTION. AN ADDICT HAVE TO LEARN WAYS TO COPE INSTEAD OF WAYS TO ESCAPE.
I ROCHELLE RICHEY WAS IN ADDICTION FOR 20 YEARS
CLEAN FOR 15 YEARS AND COUNTING
NO REHAB, NO RELAPSE
JUST A CHOICE TO LIVE
LEARN TO LOVE YOUR SELF
HEAL BEFORE YOU DEAL
CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK
PUT GOD FIRST IN EVERYTHING
CHANGE YOUR LIFE
THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THAT DARK TUNNEL…YOU CAN LIVE…