MESSAGE TO MY ABUSED QUEEN

TOO OFTEN WE HEAR: “HE MAY PUT HIS HANDS ON ME BUT HE IS A REALLY GOOD FATHER, I DON’T WANT TO TAKE THEIR FATHER AWAY FROM THEM”

HE’S GIVING THEM A FALSE PERCEPTION OF WHAT A MAN IS AND HOW A MAN LOVES…HOW HE HANDLES CONFLICT AND EMOTIONS. SEEING THIS AS A CHILD BECOMES THE NORM AS AN ADULT.

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15 Undeniable Warning Signs That Your Relationship Is Abusive

Contributor

If he (or she) does ANY of these things, you need to get out and get help.

Women don’t plan to enter into abusive relationships. In fact, many women who’ve escaped abusive relationships swear to themselves that they will never get into another one, only to find themselves becoming victims of abuse once again.

Sadly, it takes an average of five to seven acts of violence before a woman leaves her abuser. So, why not plan to avoid entering into an abusive relationship in the first place?

It’s easier to avoid an abusive relationship if you’re able to detect the early signs. The Women’s Center distributed the following list for women seeking domestic violence counseling. A path to a safer, healthier and happier life often starts with a bit of knowledge. If your partner displays the following behaviors, it’s possible you’re in an abusive relationship.

1. He pushes for quick involvement. He comes on strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this before by anyone.” You get pressured for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

2. There’s constant jealousyYour partner is excessively possessive, calls constantly, or visits unexpectedly.

3. He’s controlling. He interrogates you intensely about who you talked to and where you were, checks mileage on the car, keeps all the money or asks for receipts, and insists you ask for permission to go anywhere or do anything.

4. He has very unrealistic expectations. He expects perfection from you and  for you to meet their every need.

5. There’s isolation. He tries to cut you off from family and friends, deprives you of a phone or car, or tries to prevent you from holding a job.

6. He blames others for his own mistakes. The boss, family, you — it’s always someone else’s fault if anything goes wrong.

7. He makes everyone else responsible for their feelings. The abuser says, “You make me angry” instead of “I’m angry.” “I wouldn’t get so pissed off if you wouldn’t…

8. He’s hypersensitive. He’s easily insulted and will often rant and rave about injustices that are just part of life.

9. He’s cruel to animals and children.  He kills or punishes animals brutally. He also may expect children to do things beyond their ability or tease them until they cry.

10. His uses “playful” force during sexHe enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will; he finds the idea of rape exciting. He intimidates, manipulates or forces you to engage in unwanted sex acts.

11. There’s verbal abuse. He constantly criticizes you or says cruel things. He degrades, curses and calls you ugly names. He will use vulnerable points about your past or current life against you.

12. There are rigid gender roles in the relationship. He expects you to serve, obey and remain at home.

13. He has sudden mood swings. He switches from loving to angry in a matter of minutes.

14. He has a past of battering. He admits to hitting women in the past, but states that they or the situation brought it on.

15. He threatens violence. He makes statements such as, “I’ll break your neck,” but then dismisses it with “I really didn’t mean it.”

If you’ve experienced domestic violence in the past, you may benefit from this article, Healing From Trauma With EFT. If you need help, or protection, to get out or stay out of an abusive relationship, get in touch with your local (The) Women’s Center, or search their main site at The Woman’s Center.

NOTE: Though females are the primary victims in Domestic Violence, it is not always the case; males can also be victims (over 25 percent). Some resources to check into for both male and female victims are: safehorizon.org, ncdva.org, and nomore.org.

Steve Harvey: Why didn’t you stop hitting her? || STEVE HARVEY

IF ONLY SHE WOULD HAVE SHOWED MORE AFFECTION ???

Did he just blame her? Did I hear him wrong?

  The only answer I have in terms of him coming from a good home is that a good home is subjective.  How was the parents relationship?  Was he able to have a “voice” growing up?   For him to act out like that and seemingly out of nowhere he must be holding a lot of anger in.  Something is festering on the inside.  I remember in my youth being angry about so many things and bottling things up and finding ways to act out, subconsciously.  I’m glad he owned up publically, that took a lot of kahunas, but Jesus himself would have to tell me to stay.  I’m just saying.

+Christina Thomas You heard him Right, but he had something missing in his life and he was expecting her to meet that need. So he took it out on her. Still not her fault though. My question is how the hell did he come out an abuser and come from a good home?
Published on Jan 22, 2016

Steve Harvey welcome Kyle Norman of the band Jagged Edge for a serious discussion about his arrest for assaulting his then-fiancé.

 

Why did Kyle Norman’s wife stay after the abuse? 

SO BECAUSE HE GETS THE NEWS THAT HIS FATHER HAS CANCER HE TAKES IT OUT ON YOU?  HE CHOKES YOU, BEATS YOU AND TRY TO MAKE YOU SWALLOW YOUR WEDDING RING!!!!!   YOU LOST YOUR FOSTER CHILD AND YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS FOR YOUR ABUSER. THIS IS HEART BREAKING. THEY BOTH NEED INDIVIDUAL COUNSELING. THIS IS NOT LOVE. 

Domestic abuse is a serious issue 

licensed psychotherapist Stacey Kaiser to weigh in

Cosmic Consciousness 
Staying with someone because of the potential you see in them vs. accepting them as they are right now is a recipe for disaster. Strong insecurities on both sides (like attracts like). Hopefully she will take a long and deep journey inwards to discover her self-worth and reclaim her personal power so she won’t tolerate mistreatment or even attract these types of losers. Until she works on Self, she will end up with the same type even if she does get out of this one. I’ve been there, done that and got the tshirt 👕.
Mekhi Hoops 
it’s her choice . not everybody the same . so your opinion isn’t her decision.

holistic79
Abusers always pick their victims they go for one with very low self esteem as their easy to control and it means there’s more chance they will stay.

Tonya Calvin 
His demeanor does not set well with me. The counselor was RIGHT ON with her response. The red flags says a lot. He has not fully accepted that YES it was you beating her like she was a piece of day old meat and YES YOU Sir caused her pain and humiliation. Also she IS NOT helping him by minimizing what he did to her. The FIRST step to healing and getting better in ANY situation is to OWN up to the hell you caused her and seek counseling.
Candra Cherry   I want to have faith in them but their body language-it seems as if most of their answers “from the air.” he cant answer without looking in the air and neither can she. to me (and I may be wrong) it says they are uncertain about what they want to say and they have doubts as well…praying for them 💕
Ladiva Ray 
I don’t give a dammmmm, he hits me I’m outttttt…..

We as women are always willing to our feelings on the back back back burner to support someone else. We always take care others first. You can forgive from a distance

he look like he wants to beat her ass right there and now.

As a victim support worker for DV and also as someone works closely with social workers and children at risk. This women should not be with this man and she should certainly not be allowed to foster any children. Recovery an forgiveness is a separate issue. The safety and welfare of societies most vulnerable children is paramount. She has put her relationship before her own welfare and that of the children she is caring for, that’s not acceptable

Steve wasn’t buying it…neither was the audience

Any man that hits a woman doesn’t love her! love doesn’t hurt! No woman deserves that! Once he hits you he will apologize for it but guess what?…he will continue to hit you again and again! I say LEAVE HIM ALONE before you end you in a body bag. Love yourself enough to leave!

Other people who are in the same position watch this show and would like to learn from this. Realistically and statistically, he will go back to his normal habits unless he actually seeks professional help. Nothing is wrong with trying to open up another persons eye to a perspective that they would not have seen unless shown
 

ROCHELLE RICHEY AUTHOR OF “A BLACK ROSE THRIVED”

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I Am Enough
I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works. Psalm 139:14

“MY FIRST PERCEPTION OF A MAN” EXCERPT FROM MY PERSONAL MEMOIR ” A BLACK ROSE THRIVED”

While riding my bike, I became thirsty. I remembered the punch mama made and I went upstairs to get a drink. She would make it with lemons and sliced oranges. I use to love to swirl the frosty glass in a circular motion and hear the sound of the large ice cubes as they hit the glass…so mouth watering, cool and refreshing. Now that dad was gone, she’d picked up some of her motherly ways again…with baking and setting the table, just like old times.

It was about noon, I rushed upstairs to my apartment, opened the screen door and the big door was locked. That was weird because mom kept the door unlocked when we would play outside. So I began to knock on the door and call her, “Ma ! I’m thirsty! Open up!” I called several times. I then heard a loud thump from the other side of the door, like someone had run into it. I heard my mom screaming and crying at the same time, “Please stop! Oh God Help! Help me!” I ran to the window which was on the left side of the door. I pressed my left cheek against it so that I can try and see her from the corner of my eye…through the crack of the security bars and hanging window shade. Oh my God!…it was my dad in there beating her like a punching bag in her midsection, one blow after another, like a mad man! My Dad was at least 5′ 8″ 260 lbs., my mom about 5′ 5″ 170 lbs., nine months pregnant…no match at all.

I couldn’t scream or shout because I started to shake out of control. Even if I’d asked for help, no one would because they feared him. So I stayed in the doorway while crying in a fetal position, helplessly listening to my mom’s excruciating cry for help. I listened to her wounded heart begged to be saved from the hands of the man, who stole her heart and introduced her to his isolated dark and morbid world; “My First Perception of A Man.”

As I sat there between the doors, shaking and gripping my stomach, I listened to my mom’s moans slowly fade out. I realized it was finally over. I could hear her faint voice moaning, crying and praying. I visualized my mom, sliding down into the fetal position just as I was on the other side of the door…and there we were, both trapped in a world that appeared to be unable to escape. I placed the palms of my hands on the door, along with my cheek. I closed my tearful eyes and in my mind, I held her and rocked her in my arms while whispering in her ear, “If I was the mom, I would take you away.”

I didn’t understand this type of love. I couldn’t help but wonder, would he love me this way one day? I made myself a promise to always do the right thing and never upset him. I never wanted to feel that type of love. (The seed of abuse had now mentally been planted)

Later that night, my mom gave birth to a ten-pound baby boy. It was the happiest but the saddest day of my life. I couldn’t understand why a gracious God from Heaven would let a beautiful miracle be born in a place called “Hell.”

http://amzn.to/1LWCQCl ” A BLACK ROSE THRIVED”

AUTHOR ROCHELLE RICHEY ©2016

“A BLACK ROSE THRIVED” A Personal Memoir

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 Enjoy this   “BEHIND CLOSED DOORS”   EXCERPT FROM   “A BLACK ROSE THRIVED”

I’ve finally reached the beginning of the end of raging storms that have partnered with me for many years…escaping a tormented childhood that led to a dysfunctional development of teenage years, which concluded with an abusive marriage with a man I thought was the love of my life. I instantly became a single mom and was introduced to years of evictions, repossessions, illnesses. hardships and a bad choice in men. Through it all, I’ve learned humility, love, perseverance, happiness, forgiveness, loyalty and a great love for myself. Everything I went through made me who I am today.

” A Black Rose Thrived” will allow you to experience my highs, my lows, my pain and my growth. I decided to write my story because I realized that this was a major part of the healing process that was missing. It started as a journal and turned into a memoir. 

This memoir is written in excerpts because that’s just what they are…excerpts pulled from different segments of my life. It’s written in an interesting chronological timeline order of events. My hope is that you will be encouraged, challenged and informed on issues that you may have experienced, never encountered or may have questioned. This is my Story. This is my truth.


Author and Writer
Rochelle Richey©